Networking Reframed

The U.S. Naval War College and The Pell Center at Salve Regina University, both in Newport, Rhode Island, recently hosted The Forum at Newport, a conference on the Geostrategic and National Security Challenges and Opportunities Posed by Climate Change.  It was a great conference with tremendous speakers, including Former Secretary of State John Kerry. One of the speakers was Rear Admiral Darryl L. Walker, the newly appointed President of the War College. He opened his remarks by saying, “The three most important ships in the navy are friendship, partnership, and relationship.” For years, I have shared with audiences of partners and associates at law firms, accounting firms, and consulting firms that regardless of their specific industry, we are all, basically, in the relationship business. I didn’t realize until Rear Admiral Walker spoke that the main tenant of that statement was equally applicable to the military. It seems success in any profession requires building a strong network of relationships.

Some professionals, particularly “knowledge worker” – law, consulting, technology – find the idea of networking distasteful, as if they are being asked to hawk their intellectual wares. Others think that networking is about approaching other people with the blatant ulterior motive of selling something, as if the very essence of networking is transactional and manipulative. I suggest thinking about networking from a different perspective. Ask yourself two simple questions.

1. Does the service I offer add value?
2. Are there people who would benefit from retaining me for that service?

If you answered “yes” to both of those questions, then how dare you not try to find those people who need your services? It’s selfish to keep your talents cloistered, and self-limiting to not try to meet the people who need what you have to offer.

Networking at its core, is not about glad-handing people at awkward, structured, networking events, although those events serve their purposes for some industries and are excellent for practicing your elevator pitch. Networking is about building stronger, durable, deeper relationships with those with whom you are already connected. If you’re interested in the more subtle and effective version of networking for high-end service work, here are some suggestions.

Positioning Yourself

When asked what they do for a living, most people reply with their business title. “I am a partner at Smith & Jones,” or “I am the Senior Manager of Data Governance and Security at Acme Bank.” In other words, most people respond to the question by sharing not what they do, but what status they have achieved. Telling someone your title rarely says anything about what you actually do. Instead, respond to that question by saying, “I help (who) accomplish (what).” For example, instead of saying, “I’m a real estate partner at Garcia & Sutherland law firm,” say, “I help developers close their deals.” By using the verb “help,” you frame who you are in terms of the value you add rather than the status you have achieved. This is intrinsically more attractive to other people and is more likely to foster a conversation. It also changes your perspective on who you are and why you should network.

Show Interest in Others

Networks involve relationships, which only work when value flows in two directions. To be successful at building your business through networking, you need to be genuinely interested in helping others. Sometimes that help involves you providing the substantive consulting, financial, legal, or technical service you offer. Other times, the value you have to offer is in the very network you have developed.

When someone in your network needs a service you don’t provide, you’ll increase your value if you are able to connect your contact with someone in your network who can help them. Instead of thinking about how you can get more value from your network, remain open to the different types of value you can provide. This doesn’t mean you need to be actively thinking, “How can I help all the people in my network?” It just means that when someone shares a need, think beyond yourself to the people you know as you try to determine how you can be a resource for others. Professionals who are reticent to make connections for others are rarely successful at networking because their value to those in their network is limited. As you expand your efforts in networking, think in terms of all you have to offer your connections rather than all you hope to gain from them.

Make it easy for people to remember you.

We are all busy and we are all wrapped up in our own issues and needs. That’s not bad or wrong; it’s just the human condition, especially if you are trying to develop your business. Networking effectively means making it easy for people to remember you. That requires putting yourself out there more. You don’t need to attend lots of conferences or go to specific network events. Instead, network by reaching out more frequently to the people you already know. Make a list of all the people you have served in the last three years. (If you work at a large firm, ask your accountings department to send you the list of your billable matters from the last few years.) Chances are you worked very closely with an important client a few years ago and that you developed a bit of rapport with your contacts there. When the deal was done, you got busy with the next matter and dropped the relationship. Send those contacts a quick email saying:

Hope all is well. We haven’t spoken since (reference the project you worked on). Your company name popped up recently and I thought I would send quick note to see how you are doing. I’d welcome the chance to connect and catch up. Let me know if you’re free for a call in the coming weeks.

If you send out a dozen similar emails, you’ll likely hear back from only two or three. That’s O.K. The point of the emails is to remind people that you exist. You’re making yourself top-of-mind for them. Even if they don’t reply, you’ve jogged their memory about how nice it was to work with you and of the value you bring. If they happen to have a need that you can help with, you’ve made it more likely they’ll call you rather than one of the many other consultants with whom they work.

Summary

These three steps build on each other. If you start by reframing how you define yourself, you make yourself more conscious of the value you have to others and feel less uncertain about approaching your contacts and making new ones.

If you’re sincerely interested in other people, you’ll find ways to be of service beyond just your particular skill set. That makes you more valuable to other people.

Finally, reaching out to those with whom you have lost touch deepens the connections you already have. You then move those relationships closer to friendships and partnerships, the most important ships for navigating our careers.

Originally published on Forbes.com.