Assumptions That Might Help in Turbulent Times

When the world and the workplace seem fraught with negativity and a lack of trust, here are some assumptions that might help you maintain your sanity and your grounding.

I teach business professionals how to listen more effectively, so I spend a great deal of time encouraging people to ask more questions and avoid making assumptions. Avoiding assumptions helps us all learn more and avoid misunderstandings. That said, here are some assumptions that might actually help us remain more open to the ideas and comments of other people. At the very least, they will make your day easier and less stressful.

Assume positive intent. You share an idea in a meeting and your colleague Jack pushes back and challenges your analysis, how you framed the argument, or your conclusion. Your instinct might be to think you are being attacked. You might suspect Jack’s motive, especially if you and Jack don’t have a relationship built on trust. This will cause you to become defensive and possibly angry. Instead, train yourself to assume a positive intent behind Jack’s questions and comments. Assume Jack is just genuinely curious about how you reached your conclusion and has authentic concerns about the issue. By ascribing positive motives to his question, you’ll remain calm and be better able to respond to his challenges.

Assume gratitude. You’ve just sent an email responding to Jane’s question. You were thoughtful and deliberate and spent a decent amount of time and energy to get her the answer. You receive back…silence. You expected at least a quick “THX” but got nothing. Don’t get frustrated. Just assume Jane has a lot on her plate at the moment. In fact, she is using the helpful info you sent to craft her own response to another stakeholder. She plans to thank you after she wraps up the entire issue…or not. It doesn’t matter. You didn’t respond out of generosity; you responded because it’s your job to get her the info she requested. Assume she’s grateful, let go, and move on to the next item on your TO DO list. As my daughters’ grade school basketball coach hollered to the girls on the court after they made a basket, “Don’t pose for the picture! Get back in position!”

Assume exclamation points. Believe it or not, some of your colleagues save their excitement for things other than receiving your weekly report. When Chris sends a perfunctory “Thanks,” in response to your email, he’s being genuine. He’s grateful, not ecstatic.  Exclamation points seem to be the new, “Awesome!” that became a stock response to everything a few years ago. If you have a heavy need to see “!!!!” after every mundane correspondence, just tell yourself that Chris is storing up his enthusiasm for when he talks to you on the next Zoom call and can properly thank you directly.

Assume courtesy. Some people are just plain abrupt in their emails. They leave out all of the pleasantries. It’s up to you to decide if you read their messages as barking orders at you or as trying to be helpful by minimizing the volume of content you have to read. Instead of reading the note as jarringly blunt, assume the other person’s “love language” is efficiency. Offer them some grace in terms of how you read their message, whether they deserve it or not. (And we ALL need to be extended some grace every now and then, regardless of whether we deserve it.)

And on the Flip Side:

Assume more “Thank You’s” are warranted. Emails and texts are devoid of all the subtlety of in-person communication. Your reader can’t know your mood or tone. As a result, they “fill in the blanks,” and decide whether you are being sympathetic or snarky, compassionate or callous. A few extra niceties are helpful to both your reader and you. My typical email both starts and ends with expressions of gratitude, not to lengthen the email, but to strengthen the relationship. We need to let people know we appreciate them. Expressing gratitude costs nothing and gains you some good will. Say “thank you” more than you think you need to, in life as well as in emails.

Assume it won’t hurt to say “Please.” This goes along with saying, “Thank you.” The added courtesy language is important.

Assume “Fast & Furious” can be offset with the occasional “Would love to catch up.” Work relationships are still relationships. They are organic and need to be nurtured. We often email a colleague or client on a transactional basis, to simply get something done and crossed off the TO DO list. We would be better served to remind ourselves that there is a person on the other end of the exchange, someone who has valued our services and responsiveness, and who wants that human connection as much as we do. Every once in a while, without prompting or agenda, send an email that says, “Hey, Lee (or Elizabeth, or Heather, or Chris, or Milana), do you have a few minutes to catch up? I’d love to hear how things are going for you.” When was the last time someone emailed you to say, “I value you and would like to know how you are doing?”?

We live in crazy times. By “we” I don’t just mean you. Your clients and colleagues are struggling with the pace of change just as much as you are. The people who report to you might be floundering, frustrated, or furious. It’s in your best interest to know which, so you can help them through their challenges and remain whole. As leaders, our jobs are to make it easier for our teams to remain productive despite turbulent times. In short, assume kindness is always in order. The assumption puts you in the right frame of mind. Then, it’s time to ask questions and listen to understand.